the end of an era
as the wedding draws nearer, people frequently ask me, "are you getting nervous?"
i don't understand that. what do i have to be nervous about? and if i was nervous - wouldn't that be a bad sign? i'm not nervous at all. however, there is another emotion sneaking up on me for which i was completely unprepared: sadness. a sentimental kind of sadness.
really, i think it's a mourning for the "single" life i've led for so long. not the "single" part of it, but the living-alone, being independent, part of it.
see, seven years ago, i packed my boxes and Moe and I moved home. the two of us lived in an apartment together for two years, then i bought my own house and we moved yet again. for 7 years, it's been just the 2 of us. we make great roommates. we like a little bit of attention and then we're done. we like our own space - our own quiet time. love me but leave me alone. we get it.
and for 5 years, i've made my own little home. i've decorated my house with pictures of my friends and family. i've let mtv blare from my television for more hours than i'd ever care to admit. i've picked my own bedspreads, shower curtains, and dishes. i've spent several saturday mornings in bed with a good book and complete quiet.
now, all of that is changing. we're adding to the mix. and i'm THRILLED for that (i don't think anyone who knows me has any question about that) but i do have to stop for a minute and let myself be sentimental. it's been real, single life, but it's time to move on to bigger and better things.
i don't understand that. what do i have to be nervous about? and if i was nervous - wouldn't that be a bad sign? i'm not nervous at all. however, there is another emotion sneaking up on me for which i was completely unprepared: sadness. a sentimental kind of sadness.
really, i think it's a mourning for the "single" life i've led for so long. not the "single" part of it, but the living-alone, being independent, part of it.
see, seven years ago, i packed my boxes and Moe and I moved home. the two of us lived in an apartment together for two years, then i bought my own house and we moved yet again. for 7 years, it's been just the 2 of us. we make great roommates. we like a little bit of attention and then we're done. we like our own space - our own quiet time. love me but leave me alone. we get it.
and for 5 years, i've made my own little home. i've decorated my house with pictures of my friends and family. i've let mtv blare from my television for more hours than i'd ever care to admit. i've picked my own bedspreads, shower curtains, and dishes. i've spent several saturday mornings in bed with a good book and complete quiet.
now, all of that is changing. we're adding to the mix. and i'm THRILLED for that (i don't think anyone who knows me has any question about that) but i do have to stop for a minute and let myself be sentimental. it's been real, single life, but it's time to move on to bigger and better things.
posted by lethes | 5:49 PM
1 Comments:
Hi Coury,
Interestingly enough, there's a great book out that talks about all of the losses people (and especially women) face as they get married, and the need to grieve those losses...it's called "The Conscious Bride: Women Unveil Their True Feelings About Getting Hitched"
http://www.amazon.com/Conscious-Bride-Feelings-Getting-Hitched/dp/1572242132/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1242873471&sr=1-3
You're very right that it's OK and GOOD to thing through those issues...
Congrats to both of you - I hope your day is wonderful, but that your life together far surpasses the day!
Lou
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