stripped.

evidently i spent this past summer in a cacoon. or a coma. whatever it was (or wherever), it changed me. drastically. however, instead of rising out of the cacoon as a springtime butterfly, i crawled out of it as a beaten down adult.
in just two short weeks, i changed. several of my students invaded my home, my relationship, my life... me. they think all they did was betray my trust and read my journals... but they did so much more. they stole two things from me that were irreplacable: two loves. my love for teaching and my love for writing. all in one irresponsible, irrational swoop.
i used to love bonding with my students, caring about my students - being more than just a body in the front of the room for my students. but when that was betrayed, that desire faded, and now i am truly a 'teacher' - nothing more, nothing less. and it makes my job much less fulfilling.
and then there's writing. i haven't posted on this blog in months. i haven't written in a journal for longer. before this summer, writing was my release. i've always been that person who smiles all the time. but when i wrote - i could be sincere. if i was sad, i could be sad. if i was angry, i could be angry. and best of all, if i was scared, i could be scared. no one ever had to know.
now, so many know.
so forgive me if you're reading this blog - or, attempting to. i just can't get inspired to put it out there. not even the things i've chosen to, as in the past. for now, i'm storing my thoughts in a cacoon. hopefully they'll be ready for the world again... eventually.